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What Happened Before and After I Physically Died?

    Death is interwoven in spiritual and religious teachings as an accepted aspect of our existence. Religious dualism asserts life cannot exist without death and light cannot exist without dark. While this may be true for people who subscribe to this belief (because they resonate and act with complicated, even chaotic energies), I have always intuitively known death should not exist. Something is inherently wrong with death because it is a traumatic experience that destroys our dense physical body.
    Since I deprogrammed myself from oneness beliefs, which seek to confuse my distinct, innate knowing, I have been able to pay attention to my experiences over the past several years that illuminate the reality of life before and after death. My following accounts have given me more awareness regarding the unnatural process of death that many of us have already experienced through reincarnation. I have come to know there is a deeper hope of life in an eternal connection that can be discovered once we shift from death mechanics to true life.

    I awoke from a nightmare, heart-pounding, and with a pain aching on the lower left side of my heart. The dream was so vivid; it was one of those dreams that felt so real and significant, there was no denying it as a memory. In the memory, I was lying in a bed. Next to me was a woman who I loved, my wife, and nearby were two young girls, my daughters. We were living in a tent set up in a larger encampment during a past ancient time. I heard something and realized someone had broken into our living area. It was pitch dark, and I only heard rustling. Suddenly, I felt danger. I knew I had to protect my family. I got up ready to fight and saw a man rushing toward me with a large sword. I remember feeling completely helpless with nothing to defend me, but I put up a fight to protect myself and my family to my last breath. After fighting for my life, I felt it: the sword going into the left side of my body, hitting my heart.
    I woke up right after I “felt” the saber go into my heart. The memory of what happened next became conscious to me after spending time processing this internal trauma of being killed. Ever since I could remember, I would get pain in my chest and specifically my heart in a particular area. I cried after awaking from this memory, and I felt the pain for days. The pain wasn’t just physical but also a deep emotional pain, a feeling of loss and tragedy. A deep sadness emerged from a place that felt so familiar whenever I would have similar feelings in my life. Right after being killed, the thoughts flooded my mind: Was my family okay? Were they killed too? I didn’t do enough to protect them! I miss them!

    Despite my conscious memory consisting primarily of my experiences in my present life, I have always felt a deeper sense of past experiences like this one that lingered, creating unexplainable somatic and emotional imprints that I couldn’t often clearly decipher. Before dreams and memories began coming back to me over the past few years, I was largely influenced by oneness beliefs that declared I had multiple and simultaneous incarnations. I knew I had lived before; however, beliefs that merged all aspects of space and time in an attempt to explain unknown and very personal phenomena like death and rebirth only confused my inner sense and memories. It wasn’t until I weeded out oneness beliefs and their dizzying effects on my psyche that I was able to more accurately place specific periods of my life before my current life, and memories began to re-emerge from their respective time periods.
    My memories and an inner knowing aligned with the fact that I lived four times before. Unlike assertions given by New Age and religious ideology, I have come to understand some humans have not lived any prior lives, and even more people lived only a handful of lives, not hundreds or thousands as New Agers assert.
    In my inner sense, I felt I really should have never had to experience deaths as I did, and no one should have to experience death. In my process of self-integration and growth, I have had to process the traumas and pains from what I deeply feel is an unnatural phenomenon, and regain the emotional loss and physical depression associated with the death process. I did this through self-reflection, with the help of loved ones, and with the help of an open-minded psychologist. I have processed the trauma associated with my first life and others by going deeper into my core to discover how and why a part of me was hanging onto my first life for so long.
    Our natural instinct is to keep living. The first life we have is brand new, so I think its loss would feel the most shocking. This shock, and the fact that I was horrifically killed by another person, left a profound energetic wound in my being.
    I knew I needed to uncover and heal my deep unrest. This “healing” was not to wash away or diminish the severity of death as a part of life; it was to call out how death is not a part of life and to search for something more, something eternal, which I knew existed somewhere and somehow.

    In one particular therapy session, I was allowed to fully process these feelings, which allowed me to see into the following sequence of events after I died in my first life. Immediately after I felt the pain of the sword go into my heart, I felt some energy open up around me. I just called it the time continuum. As this larger space opened around and from within me, which was my larger auric composition and additional energies beyond my physical body, it was as though I was in an energetic tunnel. This tunnel did not contain white light and felt completely safe, attuned only to me. This tunnel did not pull me toward any particular destination. I also didn’t meet an external entity. It was just me, and I partially expanded into my auric field safely. I felt more ethereal and less inhibited by the body’s density. This freedom was one thing I recall being positive about my experience right after I died; I felt a lightness and an ability to sense the imprints contained in my larger energy field and deeper core.
    However, during my recollection of this memory that was as vivid as when it was in my dream, I screamed out in agony for the loss of my family. I verbalized out loud, “Were they okay!? I miss them!” As I allowed this pain to move through me to process it, I became aware in my present awareness that my deep unrest was mainly caused by my need to know if my wife and children were okay. The terrible loss and worry of my family must have carried forward through all my subsequent lives as conflicted energy stuck in the past. Gently, my therapist, who was trained in a modality of trauma therapy called Brainspotting, allowed this to happen and also reminded me that “this was in the past, Alex, you are in 2020 now.” My present higher awareness clicked in while I was still experiencing remnants of the trauma, and I was able to resolve the trauma by proceeding with a process I intuitively knew to do: I reached out to my first life’s family by sending them my love and pure intent, and through this process, I discovered a deeper sense of truth about myself and my life.
    In the time continuum, after the agony of loss subsided, I knew I lived on as did my family, wherever they are. As I intentionally began sending them love, I saw them step toward me, their faces appearing to me as I felt their connection and familiar solace. I saw my wife, feeling relieved and also feeling the deep attachment and love I had for her. I saw our beautiful two children, two young girls, standing beside her, and I also felt the deep attachment and love I had for them. This love never died, and to this day this love stays as an extension of my essence that lives onward through my inherent connection, which threads together my experiences in a continuous sequence of events throughout all my lives and into the present. Although I still felt heartache after sending them love, I was able to pour out my love and care for them, freeing a space inside me and resolving the multifaceted pain I carried from dying so suddenly and invasively. I no longer felt I had a “part” of me stuck in some past place, and it was after the processing of this deep trauma that something else also occurred in my present awareness.
    As I was able to see this time continuum in me, I could see into my four other lives…the memories, the loving sentiments, the established connections. In each subsequent life, I had moments or days to prepare for my death by saying goodbye to my respective loved ones. This was very important to me to feel a sense of peace in some resolve, not peace about the loss, so I could transition as best as I could. In another life, I recall lying on a four-poster wooden bed, knowing my body was too weak to go on. I knew I was in a house surrounded by loved ones, and I felt I could let go because I could barely breathe anymore. I sense that I died from a respiratory illness. I believe this explains the lung troubles I have had for many years in my current life. The energetic remnants that carried onward after death have begun to clearly communicate to my current consciousness and physical body, and I am listening with compassion and determination to effectively release what no longer benefits me, and retain what is eternally-aligned.
    I have retained my purer core essence, which contains my life-giving template that is unbound by death, and it carries the positive memories and love with others that I have experienced. The traumatic remnants are not carried in my core; they feel denser and closer to my body. My eternal-based core essence and aligned, higher consciousness is truly me in goodness and wholeness. My desire to self-integrate is to embrace eternal energies, not any death-based layer or component that can never be whole. What is and has been eternally flowing within me is increasingly bringing my entire body to more health and wholeness by wanting to weed out the stagnant and painful energy from the good, flowing energies I have experienced.
    A true memory of oneself is not implanted in the mind or the third eye, as is so often done in religious and New Age ideologies and practices. Often, as I have personally experienced, false memories can be implanted into our minds by untoward entities in order to influence our behavior and also manipulate and further an attachment to an external entity or spirituality. This tactic by otherworldly entities convolutes actual memory; it blurs the line between a true, deeper energetic connection with one’s individual energy and that of the intervening energy of the preying, manipulative entities. Implanted memories often involve a play on our minds while using components of emotion and reality to further indoctrinate victims into a popular belief, like oneness or another religious cosmology. True memories come from a deep inner body and core alignment, and they don’t primarily involve the mind, especially as the origin of the memory. It is through a deep, inner alignment that my own thoughts and images can arise as I process my awareness from the frequencies and energies connecting with my core being.
    In one of my visionary experiences, I participated in a group meditation that opened me up to an implanted memory given by an external entity. I was learning from the MCEO Law of One group about Atlantis and the great battles waged upon Earth from alien spaceships that were said to have caused destruction to Earth’s Atlantean cultures. During this particular instance, I was seeking a tangible connection to the MCEO entities and their experiences, and I wanted to feel a sense of belonging. I also was sensitive and empathetic to the tragedy and loss of life during that ancient time. These inherent emotional realities in me, along with my open mind, made what was like a movie scene projected to my mind through my third eye seem real. I felt I was experiencing the images because I naturally reacted to the sensational “movie.” The visionary experience involved a religious temple where an indiscernible person portrayed as me frantically gathered and secured sacred books in an effort to preserve them as offensive spaceships were descending on my encampment. As the ships destroyed several temples around me through their laser-like weapons, I felt the pressing duty to preserve the knowledge in the temples at all costs.
    Since I have separated myself from that religious group, I could see the implanted projection as a message telling me to put that group’s revered knowledge above my own well-being. I initially welcomed that projection because I wanted more purpose in my life, but how is it real purpose if I am being used without regard to my own life? My desire to belong was preyed upon, making me think I had a very important position and continuing responsibility to uphold the MCEO’s teachings, essentially locking me into their group. Now that I can discern my true self, I know that I have no energetic affiliation with Atlantis, and I was not alive during the Atlantis period.
    Through my actual life experiences, I have come to understand that old tragedies and pain can keep us reliving the past. Frequent mental, emotional, and even physical reliving of past trauma can hinder us and keep us bound to the past that no longer exists, which disempowers us in confusion, fragmentation, and containment. This confusion brings the effect of losing self-awareness that can clearly determine our own path forward. To get grounded in the present in an aware and capable way allows us to more fully extend our essence in love and truth toward oneself and others to establish real connections to the matter and energy here on Earth that should continue unfettered.
    Within my time continuum experiences, I also came to understand my inclination to reincarnate. I felt how my essence is inherently connected to the Earth. Even after I died, I retained an aspect of my body essence that was connected to the Earth. I felt a deep knowing and sense of how my ability to exist, to extend, and to give and receive love is inherently linked to the Earth in a way that gives me the ability to be, to exist as I am. In this time continuum space, I asked myself, “Why was I reborn four times?” And through my deeper awareness and inner core, I felt the answer was that I was not completely bound to the reincarnation process in a type of forced reincarnation beyond my will. I resonated with the Earth’s purer consciousness and life-sustaining elements, and through combined energetic forces I came back in a different human form. I feel the Earth’s beautiful energy and how it desires an eternal existence, just as I do.
    I and the Earth are retained in individuality yet compatible in our aligned consciousness and intent. After I received a measure of energetic replenishment in-between my lives, I desired to return to Earth’s physicality because I wanted to continue living here in pure intention and connection by extending my essence—while not wanting to lose my essence—to Earth and other compatible, loving beings who also have helped the Earth naturally heal and move forward. By extending my consciously aware, eternal-based energy, I am helping myself heal, too.

    Though the tragedy of death plagues our current humanity, I feel we can shift toward more positive outcomes and a future that connects with actual life-giving realities on and beyond Earth. In this shift involving personal transformation and an eventual natural ascension process, we can leave behind and resolve what has previously bound us to something unnatural or what has diminished our true essence with pain, sorrow, or untruths about ourselves.
    I have come to know in this greater awareness that it is a joy to be born, to extend, and to have the space to move, to breathe. Being able to extend our limbs and move freely outside of the womb is an incredible experience that is natural and joyful. I have felt how this freedom can and should continue each day I am alive. To exist and have our ability to move reflects our individuality and autonomy to make aligned and conscious choices moving us freely through our environments and with others, even if that physical freedom is simply inhaling deeper and expanding our chest.
    As I follow the seamless thread of life, love, and connection deeper in me, I can sense my expanded consciousness connecting me to my higher self, who is a higher dimensional, singular entity attuned only to me, which I will soon explain. My increased awareness and readiness, along with the readiness of my higher self to potentially assist in my rebirth process, gave me the prompting when it was time for each new birth. These gaps in time lasted sometimes hundreds of Earth years but followed my innate and self-regulated flow of consciousness as the primary determinant of when my subsequent rebirths would occur. In collaboration with the Earth’s morphogenetic field, I became able to enter another energetically and cellularly arduous birth process. My internal, flowing connection with my higher self imparted the knowing that this outcome was well worth the efforts to deeply connect with a human body and Earth’s density because of the potential to align together with eternal-based energies. However, my higher self may not have always chosen to help replenish an aspect of my higher consciousness that derived from him because our distinct natures do not require this action. If our conscious alignment was sufficient for an energetic “boost,” and if there was a need, then he probably chose to assist.

    Through a series of vivid dreams that originated from deep within my consciousness and core being, and not from any astral location, memory has also come back to me of where my consciousness originated before I was born on Earth. This experience has given me deep insight into the process that my higher self went through to impart an extended portion of his consciousness to me. In the memory, I envisioned in or near Earth’s core a large, living, spherical field of energy that my higher self visited during my conception. My higher self worked with this field, which I understand to be the morphogenetic field, to instill the foundational portion of my consciousness that remains throughout all my Earthly lives and onward. This memory not only helped me remember this field of energy within the Earth but also confirmed the phenomenon of having a higher self.
    I understood how the morphogenetic field that exists in an inter-dimensional space close to the planet's physical energy contains the pre-form blueprints in electromagnetic codes. In my dream, I saw that it had streams and movements throughout its spherical formation. Its form was vast and daunting, seeming to be as large as the Earth itself, but it also felt familiar and full of life. This memory confirmed to me that a process occurred by my higher self, a process that he knew how to perform with his inter-dimensional awareness to assist a particular life form mostly aligned with him. This life form, a human, was and is me. 
    The morphogenetic field appeared in this memory as having a light shade of color that produced light with living sparks and moving streams of energy. I don’t fully understand how the field contains its own “aliveness” but it felt and seemed conscious, at least within its particulate elements that made up its structure. It was similar to visiting a large lake but somehow there was a way to interact with it from a physical, stationary place where my higher self was positioned. The field had intelligence and presence, both profound, familiar, and beautiful. There was an order to its structure and purpose behind it to impart earthly life with codes to grow and be in density, in a body. I am not entirely sure why it appeared to me as this certain light glowing color and energy, but I understand there is a possibility that it could contain other colors as well.
    Through this memory, my consciousness was blended as my higher self. He traveled from his higher dimensional position to Earth via spaceship as well as through known, safe inter-dimensional passageways in collaboration with the Earth’s pure consciousness, and he arrived at the field I saw, which I understood to be a specific location. This location was a type of convergence point of energy through which he could combine an imprint of an extended portion of his consciousness with energy codes from the morphogenetic field into my human body essence template upon my conception. It was a magnificent moment that occurred at the precise time of my unique conception.
    My knowing of a higher dimensional entity with awareness and consciousness that existed before my physical existence flows through my core, and I understand and sense my higher self has come to assist me as his sole mission toward an existence of abundant integrity and wholeness from within. He now resides in an interspatial, dimensional space where he can connect to my human existence, which I sense contains elements for him to survive while on a mission out here. Our energies connect, not through my or his physical components or chakras, but through our uniquely similar consciousness and respective cores when I am pure-intended. He does not control me in any way; instead, he may send a gentle energetic prompting that can reach my true consciousness, and it can help me further awaken toward making more aware decisions when I am internally aligned.
    Contrary to teachings of the afterlife and reincarnations, I did not experience a forced “destiny” of cyclical reincarnation other than my own foundational consciousness largely directing my path. I also did not choose my family or life circumstances. However, I do know and sense an alignment occurring with compatible energies and matter that resonate with one’s frequencies. I know my greater consciousness aligned me with an Oraphim human “Indigo” body in this life. However, like all humans, my body has defects and struggles due to the mechanics of death and fragmentation here. I have come to also understand that I did not experience another world or “heaven” after death, and I also was not in a Hibernation zone. I don’t know exactly where I was other than within my etheric energy including my greater auric field and core essence, protected, freer, and in my own space. I gained measures of healing in preparedness to come back to Earth for my subsequent rebirths.
    To me, my auric field appears as a larger space of mine, gently moving and vibrating energetic particulates and filaments that are an aspect of my greater and more etheric energy. I have also come to know it was not a God, Karma or Fate that had me return life after life here on Earth, but it was something much more personal, much more internally known and driven. It was through my desire to extend in pure connection with the Earth and other humans, which is a substantial part of my true self mission. In the bigger picture, I know this pure intention extends from my higher self. In his desire to assist me as his mission, he can energetically remind me to stay internally aligned with my foundational, true consciousness and core essence. My increased eternal-based awareness, pure intent and related action, and energetic alignment can directly increase the amount of living light within me, which will naturally help me navigate the current ascension process and also anchor eternal energies here in resonating frequencies.

    Remaining on the path of pure intent and truth has been the purpose of my life and remains the main mission of both my true self and higher self. It isn’t some grand otherworldly event as I was taught in New Age beliefs, but something much more tangible, innate, and obtainable. The resonance of truly connected, loving, and stable energies assists not only our immediate health, wellness, and experience of wholeness but also the Earth by aligning more fully with its original nature of Amenti Earth.
       While I sense and deeply know in my eternal-based knowing that death really should not be in our reality, I can see something else, too. Often, especially in New Age and religious teachings of death and reincarnation, the gravity and reality of death’s unnatural mechanics are ignored, and death is accepted. I am here to counter this belief—or more appropriately this resignation—and say death should have never occurred anywhere. Death mechanics have been created from eons of entity wars, manipulations, technologies, and fragmentations that have inserted death into our visible universe and our unfortunate human condition. Instead of accepting the destructive energy of death, I implore people to decidedly direct our natural energies to not just survive but to fully Live as we truly are. This refocused, energetic shift within ourselves can have us break the stronghold of death and pave a new path for ourselves toward eternal creation, which I strongly feel does exist beyond the immediate “heavens” above. Through pure intention and our deeper core, we can each individually discover our own Life outside of dogma and religious paradigms, which will be unique but profoundly resonant to each one of us.
    If the notion of reincarnation does not feel resonant within you, you may very well be one of the few who have not had past lives, making this life your first. And it can be your only human life—which lives onward—when resonating with eternal energies and not giving ourselves away to a religious group or ritual. Let us each value our innate life and know it deeply.
Through this experience of integrating the positive aspects of my past human experiences, and dispelling the traumatic and negative effects through self-integration, I have come to understand how simply profound it is to fight for the Life we have. We are in a difficult period as entities and groups want to pull humans in many different directions to weaken us with the objective of controlling us in multiple lives that we cannot fully remember. These untoward entities are seeking to take our Life essence for themselves.
    I challenge each one of us to retain our own energetic self, not be swayed by that which leaks our energy toward some external ideology, energy, or entity, and fully discover who we truly are. I think you may discover we are much more capable than what we are being taught in this world. The intelligence of our current body and deeper consciousness are constantly attempting to reveal something of which we may not be aware; I ask people to pay attention to what our own wisdom and energies are internally communicating, so we can finally have real peace and freedom that comes from Life.

This article was partially edited by Theresa Talea.


  1. If reincarnation is true of anyone, it must needs entail replacement of the individual person as he or she enters a fetus and begins from scratch. You merely integrate these memories of people whose continuation you are not and who no longer exist, families and all. It is not a matter of 'not resonating' with the teaching but recognizing that if it happens at all, for anyone, it is a calamity worse than Hell- the destruction of a person, or the smearing over of one life into another, an unnatural process, when each life should remain insular, and evidently does, as you are assimilating these 'past life' memories into your actual, predominant, human ego and limits. If this were not true, you'd probably be some kind of superhuman spirit in a human body.
    In any case, it is possible even these more 'innocuous' and limited past lives are purely theatrical, and your discernment is not so keen as to unravel the entirety of this phenomenon. Alternate explanations abound, I've seen people like Emmanuel Swedenborg or Dr. Carl Wickland demonstrate how it is earthbound spirits and one confusing the memories of these spirits for one's own past life. Or any other number of explanations, e.g.:

    1. Hello. Both Swedenborg and Wickland have acquired their parapsychological views by involving channeled otherworldly entities as “angels” to frame their abstract interpretations. In your assessment and response, you are asking me to alter my understanding of my personally lived histories in favor of an entity-driven and belief-laden explanation, implying that my personal recounting is invalid.

      My previous article series, Why I Left the Law of One, investigates and reveals undiscerned holes and main entity influencers behind New Age-ism and religion, and their belief systems, which have infiltrated many factions of parapsychological thought, including the influencers behind Swedenborg and Wickland.

      I agree that the phenomenon of past lives is complex due to human fragmentation issues and death mechanics we have inherited. Still, I do not agree with attaching a narrow mental frame to this very personally lived experience. I don’t agree with the entity influences and interpretations you suggest I follow.

      I have spent a lot of time carefully discerning and discovering my grounded, foundational self-exploration before choosing to write the above article. To reduce my conscious and conscientious efforts to mere ego is severely missing the point of what I am saying from my own integrated position.

      Because I share a different perspective, I ask that people look at whether they have a mental bias they are projecting, and then try to see another perspective that could be more valid than their preconceived bias that might not be rooted in personal experience. Reality is bigger than the beliefs and few experiences of other “teachers” that try to put everything else into their box. I argue that what I share is more substantial and real than any disembodied influence and energetic misdirect of entity-influenced people, because I share a truly lived experience showing an authentic, integrated identity all my own. Lastly, while I haven’t shared everything, what I continue to learn further validates my article.


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A Buddhist Light Reception Gave me Two Implants

When I was 18, I participated in a religious meeting that gave me two ethereal implants. I was completely unaware of receiving them, but I did notice a change in my attitude that had me superficially focused on sustaining the sought after religious experience of enlightenment. Since learning about the implants, I realized they created distance between my true voice and passion for knowledge while I became drawn into traditional Buddhism. In religion, including New Age spirituality and Buddhism, untruths are prominently shared to direct followers toward a flawed and externalized way of living. I am now standing free and independent from religion after being tugged, pulled, and swayed away from my true self-awareness. In this article, I recount my experience to help show a bigger picture of what occurs in common spiritual practices and ceremonies. I also illuminate how religious ideology skewed my individual world view towards a “oneness”, making me more vulnerable to being mani


In this over two-hour long interview I discussed my journey with the Melchizedek Cloister Emerald Order group also known as Keylontic Science, “KS” New Age Group. My interview maps my experiences with this religious group which involved a lot of entity phenomena and group drama that I had to wade through to get to what I feel as myself.  Chris Comstock who is an active member and student of 'KS' provided me the platform to share my story which eventually did have me to turn away from these groups (GA-MCEO-AMCC). I am looking forward to expounding on some of the topics in more detail to clarify understanding such as the original self-concept and how that is different from the Law of One ‘Higher Self’.  Thank you, Chris, for being open to talking to me and for allowing me to speak and share my journey.  Alex Balistreya

Beyond 2022 and Important Recommendations

Hi everyone, Alex here. It has been some time since I have shared on this website. This will be my final post as I continue onward in my personal integration journey.    As we approach the end of 2022 and beyond, I think it is important for me to leave this blog with two links that can  assist others who resonate with my articles and desire to weed out ungrounded beliefs in order to shift away from influences by entities.   First, I want to state that I have consistently directed people who contact me about various otherworldly topics to read Theresa Talea’s important 2021 third edition of her book,  Eternal Humans and the Finite Gods: How an Ex-Prophet and I Left Religion and Discovered Universes Beyond and Within .      Theresa has articulated clear discernment and tools through knowledge that can help us each understand the bigger picture. More importantly, her book can illuminate something more personally accessible, profound, and life-changing to assist us in discovering our indiv